So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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