All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
