They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
