Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
