Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My balls are so social today.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
