i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
