he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
