So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
