i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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