The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
