just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize