Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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