I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
