The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
