Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
