I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
