Your face is a jimmy john
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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