so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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