can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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