someone owes me an orgasm
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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