Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
