just tell him i said nine months
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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