Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize