You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my shit smells like andre
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
