i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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