I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Bring me that man meat
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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