Farmville is her only friend.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
