cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
