youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize