the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
