As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Randomize
