Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
