JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
