capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize