every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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