She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
