just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
