I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
