My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
