i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
