2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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