Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
