I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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