They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize