The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
