Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
