Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
