that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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