Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
