I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
