I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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