she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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