I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
