I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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