Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
