She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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