sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
