Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
