Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize