I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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