I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
