I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
