Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
