I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize