Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
