I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just had sex on a roof
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
