You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
