you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
