White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
