So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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