AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
