So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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