yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There are leaves in my underwear?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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