By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
