I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He felt like a one man threesome
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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