please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
