Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
