Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
