jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
