Kiss
Puke
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
