I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
