I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
