so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
