I think my fart just growled at me.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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