I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
