can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
