i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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