ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
