Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
