your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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