I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
