Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
