The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
