You smell like stripper and shame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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