Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize