Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
