my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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