i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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