i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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