apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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