Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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