did you get engaged???
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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